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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24237667">If I break before you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceGuardianlover1997/pseuds/SpaceGuardianlover1997'>SpaceGuardianlover1997</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Break Up, Crying, Eventual Happy Ending, First Chapter is Poetry, Fixing broken friendships, Happy James T. Kirk, Hurt James T. Kirk, Hurt No Comfort, Kolinahr (Star Trek), Leonard comforts his friend, M/M, Make-up, Mentions of Pon Farr, Naked Cuddling, Needy and desperate kisses, Reunion Sex, Spock Explains why he left for Kolinahr, Spock and Kirk reunite, Spock returning, Spock think of asking Jim to marry him, Thy'la bond</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:41:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,398</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24237667</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceGuardianlover1997/pseuds/SpaceGuardianlover1997</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock has left for Kolinahr and left Jim without explanation.</p><p>Ashayam - beloved<br/>Ashaya -  love<br/>Thy'la - friend, brother, lover</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James T. Kirk/Spock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. If i break before you poetry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Two years later Spock returns, because he could not gain Kolinahr.</p><p>The next chapter swill not be poetry. It will be Leonard comforting his friend, Spock showing up at Jim's apartment, reunion sex and a bonding ceremony,  human way wedding and wedding night.</p><p>Hope that you guys will enjoy this😊</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>So many time I wondered, did you ever truly love me. Did you want me or did you ever feel what I felt when we were together.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why Spock? Why?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I stand here watching you leave</em>
</p><p>
  <em>People stare at me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because everyone knows a man is not allowed to cry😭</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I stand alone</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And around me the clouds build their rain</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And if I break before you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Was it all worth it?💔😭</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because i would give everything </em>
</p><p>
  <em>For you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But tonight you walk away like a stranger</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And you look straight through me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If i break before you😭💔</em>
</p><p>
  <em>How could you forget so fast about the dreams that were meant for you and me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And maybe you could have let me know </em>
</p><p>
  <em>If my tears ran down the windows like rain😢😢</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because i stand alone</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And around me the clouds build their rain</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And if I break before you💔😭</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Was it all worth it? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because i would give everything </em>
</p><p>
  <em>For you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But tonight you walk past me like stranger</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And you look straight through me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If i break before you 💔😭</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And if i break before you 💔😭</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Watching you, the love of my life walk away like that, Like i was just another side piece for you, completely shattered me. Maybe, it is true Vulcans are just emotionless bastards.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Jim feels depressed and wanting to be held in his friends arms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim feeling depressed and wanting leonard to hold him.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jim slams his hands down on his desk. He sighs. For the last two years Jim felt hopeless and depressed, i hardly could concentrate on his work, he barely spoke to anyone and he only small meals.</p><p>This caused his friendship with Leonard to suffer as well. He and Leonard hadn't talked much, it was like Leonard gave up on him and he couldn't blame him. He was a shitty friend and even more shitty lover and Spock proved it to him. Jim felt like the worst person ever. Compared to his past, this hurt just as badly.</p><p>Some nights Jim would silently cry and remember all the good times they had, the moment Spock told him that he was breaking up with him, played over and over in Jim's mind. On the one hand Jim was used to people leaving his side, but Spock leaving, took a part of his soul and crushed it, without any remorse. That made Jim hurt bad. It was like burning over and over and over, without any stopping. Jim should have guessed a relationship he yearned for was doomed to fail.</p><p>Some nights he would just get drunk and curse at Spock</p><p>Some nights he would picture Spock and punch him over and over and over again, to let out all the anguish and pain. To make him feel what he did to him.</p><p>Some nights Jim just screamed into the empty apartment.</p><p>His padd chimed. He picked it up and saw that it's a message from Spock. On the one hand He was happy hearing from him, but on the other he was angry and hurt. Why did Spock want to see him? Why now?  Why must He agree? Jim sighs again and rubs a hand over his face.</p><p>At that moment Jim realised he had to stop hallowing in his pit of depression and start moving forward. And a start of that would be to fix his relationship with Leonard.</p><p>He quickly typed a message to leonard to meet him at their favourite bar.</p><p>Much later, Jim was on his way to meet Leonard at the bar.</p><p>He found his friend waiting "Hi Bones" Jim greets. His friends face lid up immediately "Jimmy!" He greets and pulls his friend into a bear hug.</p><p>Jim gave himself over to the feeling of feeling someone holding him. For so long Jim had been longing to be held.</p><p>"Jimmy, are you okay?" Leonard asks worriedly. Jim shook his head "Oh, Darlin' " Leonard says. Jim pulls away from Leonard.</p><p>"Bonesey,can we just get out of here? I need you to hold me, please" Jim says weakly. Leonard nodded</p><p>They got to Jim's apartment.</p><p>They sat down on the sofa and Leonard held Jim in his arms and allowed Jim to cry into his chest.</p><p>Leonard had long ago forgave Jim, 'cause, he knew how much Spock meant to Jim. But Leonard wanted to hypospray spock so good that he hurt for weeks, for hurting his brother.</p><p>When Jim had calmed enough, Leonard decided to ask him what was wrong</p><p>"Jimmy, what happened?" Leonard asks worriedly. "Spock wants to see me" Jim replies into Leonards chest.</p><p>What the hell? What is wrong with the hobgoblin? Leonard wondered</p><p>"I hope you ain't gonna see him" leonard says. Jim looked up at him and leonard could see in his eyes that he was going to see Spock.</p><p>"No way,Jim. Uh-uh. You saw how hurt you were" Leonard protests firmly</p><p>"Bonesey, I need to know why" Jim murmured weakly.</p><p>Leonard just shook his head, But he understood. Maybe Jim might get closure finally. But Leonard wouldn't hold his breath. For Spock was just as emotionless as the rest of the Vulcan Bastards out there.</p><p>For a long time he had been ready to murder the green blooded good for nothing pain in the ass Hobgoblin. And he would feel satisfaction for doing so.</p><p>
  <strong>😡😠.... To Be Continued....😡😠</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Spock and Jim reunion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spock arrives at Jim's apartment and explains why he left.</p><p>Kolinahr- vulcan purging of all emotions<br/>Ashayam - beloved</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Suddenly there is a knock on the door. Leonard got up to anwser it.</p><p>Leonard opens it and his face turns into pure anger when he sees who it is "thought you were on New vulcan for kolinahr." Leonard says angerly.</p><p>Spock's facial expression doesn't change. "I wish to see Jim, doctor" Spock says.</p><p>"Oh yeah, and who says i will allow that? Who says I will allow you to hurt my brother again?" Leonard growls</p><p>Before Spock can says anything, Jim interrupts "Bones, let him in,please"

Spock felt his heart skip a beat at the softness and hearing His Jim's voice after so long, but he could also tell at this softness that Jim had been crying and it hurt him as well, knowing he was the cause.</p><p>Spock could not even described how happy he was to hear his Ashayam's voice. Reluctantly leonard moved aside, allowing Spock entry.</p><p>Spock enters the apartment and took in the site of his mate. Jim was sitting on the sofa. He had his legs pulled up against his chest. His arms folded accross his kniees. His cheeks stained with tear tracks and his beautiful blue eyes red and swollen.</p><p>Spock sat down next to Jim, but kept his hands to himself,not sure if he was allowed to touch him. Leonard was still staring daggers at spock.</p><p>"Bones, could you please give us some privacy?"Jim asks. Leonard nods and before he leaves the apartment, He turns to face Spock "Listen here, you hobgoblin, Hurt Jim again and I will kill you. You Got it?" Leonard hisses firmly</p><p>"Yes,Doctor" Spock agrees. Leonard disappeares throught the open front door.</p><p>Spock turned to face his mate "Jim there is no possible way I could ever take the pain away that I have caused you.  Jim, I did not wish to leave you ever, but achieving Kolinahr has been on my mind since I was young" Spock began to explain.</p><p>Jim didn't say anything and waited for spock to continue "Jim, please forgive me" Spock says hoarsely and  It made Jim realise that spock's words were sincere.</p><p>Jim got up and held out a hand to Spock. Spock takes Jim's hand hestantly and look up at Jim </p><p>"Yes, I forgive you. Spock, don't hurt me like this again" Jim whispers to him.</p><p>Jim pulled him up and gently touched Spock's cheeks. "Spock, I can't handle you leaving me again" Jim says.</p><p>"Jim, I do not plan to leave you ever again. I am yours for how long you wish" Spock replies.</p><p>Jim pulls Spock into a deep kiss. Spock's arms found their way around Jim's body.</p><p>There was the long moment of hungry, needy kissing.</p><p>Jim pulled away "Spock, I didn't know that i would ever see you again. To feel your lips on mine again" Jim whimpers.</p><p>"Jim, I have dreamed of you" a single tear made it's way down Spock's cheek "during my time, I only felt you. When another's hands found their way accross my skin, i could only feel your touch. I could only see your face, only yours. I realised that i was betraying my quest for Kolinahr and I was betraying you" spock's voice fulled with regret and guilt.</p><p>Spock pulled away from Jim and went to stand in front of the window.</p><p>Jim walked over to Spock and wrapped his arms around Spock's waist from behind. "Spock, it's okay. You would have died, without mating and I understand " Jim says and turns spock to face him. His hands gripping spock's hips "Jim,i am ashamed for all the hurt i have caused you." Spock says</p><p>"No," Jim says firmly "we weren't together. We broke up and besides you're not the only one who slept around."</p><p>"Jim, we may not be, as we used to be" Spock says. Jim grins "But we can have now" Jim replies.</p><p>"Jim, i am not, who i was two point five years ago" spock says</p><p>"I have changed too"Jim says</p><p>"Would you be able to accept me the way i am now?" Spock asks</p><p>"Spock" Jim pulled Spock's head down so that their foreheads touched "of course. I love you. I never stopped " Jim says lovingly.</p><p>"And I you" spock replies with equal love.</p><p>Jim leads Spock to his bedroom...😈😈</p><p>
  <strong>❤❤❤ To be continued...❤❤❤</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Reunion Sex</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spock and Kirk has some good make up sex.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖</p><p>They entered the bedroom.</p><p>Their lips locked together "Ashayam" spock breathes. Hands were touching wherever they could reach.</p><p>Spock ran a hand down Jim's chest to his belly. Jim let out a sigh of pleasure "I missed you so much" Jim says. Spock look at the floor shyly "And I have missed you as well" Spock replies.</p><p>Jim took Spock's hand in his and led him over to his bed. He fell down on it.  Spock climbed on the bed and covered Jim's body, leaning down to kiss and suck at Jim's neck.</p><p>Feeling Spock's mouth on him was so wonderful. It felt even better then it did two years ago(When Spock broke his heart.)</p><p>Jim took a deep breath and his hands ran up Spock's back.</p><p>"Will you allow me?" Spock asks while unzipping Jim's jeans and slowly pulled it down along with his underwear.</p><p>"Oh yes, please Spock" Jim begs. Spock dipped his head down in between his legs, giving his hard member a lick. "Oh!" Jim gasps. This felt so very good, better then it did, the last time they were intimate.</p><p>Spock kissed each of his thighs and gently rubbed each of them. Then he pushed Jim's shirt and kissed a path up to his chest. Jim bit down on his lip.</p><p>"How I have missed the taste of you, Thyla" Spock says "More then I thought could ever be possible"</p><p>Jim guided Spock's head up and kissed again hungerly.</p><p>When they were both finally naked,Spock kissed his way down  Jim's chest.</p><p>He kissed his way to Jim's hard and leaking cock and gently places a kiss on the head, which caused jim to moan out in pleasure.</p><p>Spock licked him from root to tip and back to the head again.</p><p>Spock took the head into his mouth and his eyes met Jim's.</p><p>"Oh, Fuck, Spock!" Jim hissed</p><p>Spock pulled back"Jim, are you alright?" He asks with an raised eyebrow.</p><p>"Nothing is wrong" Jim says quickly "just thinking how good it feels to have your mouth on me again"</p><p>Spock raised both eyebrows with a tiny smile "do you wish for me to continue? " Spock asks  "Oh hell yes"Jim moans.</p><p>He took jim back into his mouth and let every moan,every groan and every hiss that his mate made wash over him and he increased his pace.</p><p>The hand that had been grasping Jim's ass was now fondling and squeezing his balls "Spock" Jim gasped out "Oh Spock"</p><p>Jin gently pulled Spock's hair, which caused him to look up "Jim?" Spock asks concerned. Jim just shook his head with a smile "didn't want to come yet" Jim says "want to pleasure you"</p><p>They switched positions with Spock now on his back.</p><p>"Ashaya, I have wanted this moment every moment for so long for the last two years. After our break-up, i have lived this moment over and over and over in my mind" Spock breathed</p><p>Jim smiles happy and continue to stroke his cock "Oh, Jim. I will not be able to hold out much longer" Spock moaned</p><p>"Do you wanna come now?" Jim asks teasingly</p><p>"So badly" Spock moans</p><p>Jim kissed back to Spock's chest and sucked bruises into his skin, while he stroked spock faster.</p><p>"Come on Spock, cry out my name" Jim demanded and sped up his movements.</p><p>"Jim!" Spock cried out</p><p>Jim smiled. Spock looked so dreamy and absolutely beautiful, when he came. Jim knew that he would forever have this image branded into his memories.</p><p>"You're so gorgeous. Looking so spend and glowing" Jim says and leans down to kiss his vulcan.</p><p>This brought a tiny Spock's lips "you are more so, my heart" Spock whispers breathlessly.</p><p>Spock sat up and took Jim's cock into his mouth. It only took Jim a few moments to come into the Vulcan's willing mouth.</p><p>A few moments later, they were cuddling</p><p>Jim felt happy and warm "Please, stay" Jim pleads. Spock pulls jim tighter into his arms "I have no intention to ever leave again" Spock says.</p><p>Jim remembered a word Spock had called him "what does Thy'la mean?" Jim asks curiously. Spock shifted slightly "There is no direct translation, however most common translions are friend, Brother and lover. Or could also mean Soulmate" Spock replies.</p><p>Jum hummed happily and snuggled into Spock and slowly closed his eyes with a happy smile and sigh. Everything was perfect and wonderful.</p><p>For the first time in two years Spock finally has his lover, his heart, His Jim,His Thy'la.</p><p>Spock would discuss his mind link with Jim tomorrow, for now he wished to hold his Thy'la. And Spock also decided that he was going to ask Jim to be his bondmate.</p><p>To be together forever</p><p>👬👬❤...<strong> To be continued...👬👬❤</strong></p>
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